Songs My Son Gave Me

Release your inner teenager...

Image by Michael Marshall Smith & Midjourney

Let’s face it, a lot of the music the youngs like is shit.

No, hear me out, it really is. Dreary male-voiced RNB where you can’t tell the difference between the verse and the chorus and it sounds like the singer is lapsing into a coma. Young women who can’t open their mouths properly while they sing about mental health in a way that sometimes seems frankly unhelpful: there’s a fine line between “empowering people to talk about the issues” and “monetizing the crap out of teenagers’ insecurities”. Shouty lunatics like Cardi B and Nikki Minaj, who can’t write a song without the words “fuck” or “pussy” in it four hundred times (and I don’t care about how clever and knowing they may actually be, I’m simply not the demographic).

That infuriating rattle snake sound they all use, instead of actual drums.

Also, get off my lawn.

There are, however, artists producing listenable material, and courtesy of the child, I’ve heard some — often against my will. When he goes to college in a bare few months, I’m really going to miss that. Here’s three singers who, when one of their songs come on, I only roll my eyes a little bit.

And no, it doesn’t begin to represent the depth and breadth of new music, but it’s a niche you may (or may not) like. Most of it’s about why their ex-boyfriend is an asshole, but it’s nice to take a holiday from middle-aged shit like deadlines and health insurance once in a while.

Of course, while I’m writing this, the child’s upstairs rocking out to Smells Like Teen Spirit at wall-shaking volume.

Yes, of course, Billie Eilish

My son was an early adopter of the Billie, so I’ve heard most of her songs approximately one thousand hundred million times. The early stuff didn’t send me, to be honest. I got that it was decent, and real music, but it wasn’t for me, and if I never hear Ocean Eyes again, it’ll be too soon. Honestly, at the time I preferred Lorde (I really like her song Liability). But it was a definite upgrade from his earlier Ariana Grande obsession, and yes I know Ariana’s smart and charming and talented but I’m really not the audience.

Billie’s not just an great songwriter (alongside brother Finneas, of course, who’s doing an sterling job of taking the back seat even though he’s a big part of the writing package) but an amazing performer too — someone who knows her audience, and genuinely appears to love them, too. Next time she plays San Francisco, I’m going.

Happier Than Ever

Seriously, just listen to the crowd when the song starts to kick off two minutes in…

TV

No rattlesnake drums, no thudding synth bass. Just a great acoustic song with a low-key version of her signature builds.

Then there’s UPSAHL

No, I’ve no idea why she’s all in capitals, but my generation had a certified musical genius who went through a period being designated by a symbol, so let’s not judge. Easy to dismiss her as a foul-mouthed pop moppet, until you see her making up songs on the spot on the interwebs, based on random TikToks.

Drugs

We’ve all been there.

Douchebag

This song makes me want to actually be a teenage girl commiserating with a peer after a breakup, while getting shitfaced on someone else’s parents’ booze. And that’s not a sentence I ever thought I’d type.

And the really quite good Nessa Barret

Not only do I like the fact that it sounds like some actual musicians played some instruments in her songs, you simply cannot argue with the clarity of the feelings here. “One day it’ll come around, but — fuck you for now.”

i hope ur miserable until ur dead

Die first

It’s funny what’s hidden in what comes on like teen pop. This song, I genuinely think, is genius — and in a cold, dark way. There’s an entire novel or movie in this chorus:

“I hope I die first/Because I don’t want to live without you/I don’t want to have to learn/How to fall asleep without you/Tell me what’s worse/Losing you now, or later/Maybe I can break the curse/And I can be in love forever/If I die first.”

It is, moreover, a banger.

Bonus track:

Gayle — ABCDEFU

Any song with this chorus has to be worth a couple minutes of your time:

“Fuck you and your mom and your sister and your job
And your broke-ass car, and that shit you call art
Fuck you and your friends that I’ll never see again
Everybody but your dog, you can all fuck off.”