Warm Recollections #36
More from the Bitz Files
As introduced here, these Warm Recollections are random cullings from thirty years of notes files…
Emotional support within a relationship is no use if you have to ask for it, and specify the type. It’s like having to change your own nappy.
Fear is the messenger telling you to wake up and deal with a situation: to panic is to mistake fear for being the message itself.
When people use the phrase ‘force of nature’, they tend to mean big, flamboyant personalities — people who force you to take notice of them. But there are other forces of nature, to my mind far stronger, far more influential, far more prone to quietly strengthen the backbone of other’s lives. There are tornados, yes, but there are mountains. X was like a mountain. There are storms, but there are also calm seas. X was like a sea too. He did not light up the room when he entered it — he would have laughed at the idea, and was too modest (and indeed shy, at heart) to have the desire to be the centre of attention for any length of time — but he did anchor any room he was in. He gave it weight and substance and reassurance. He grounded things. When you came into some space and saw him already there, glass in hand and listening to someone — he was a superb listener, despite being the sharpest and one of the funniest men I’ve ever met — you thought “Oh, cool. You’re here. So that’s alright then.” And when he clocked you, and winked, you suddenly felt… fine. I don’t know how else to put it. It may not be what most people think of as being a ‘force of nature’ — that ability to make people feel fine — but it’s very, very rare and I don’t know what else to call it, and it’s an extraordinary quality to have under any name.
From therapy: grief reconnects with previous griefs. Is that true? And if so, why? Is there a continuum within us? Does each instance of grief never really die, but merely go into abeyance? Does love reconnect with previous loves?
They say that life comes without a manual, but that’s not true. The manual is your parents. Sure, some of it may be out-dated, badly translated, or simply wrong — but it’s always worth having a quick leaf through the pages in case you can find a clue.
As always, if you can think of anyone who might enjoy this Substack, please spread the word.
I've been dealing with a lot of grief lately. A lot of what ifs and regrets. It's been difficult to get out of bed in the morning. I see this person and wonder what if they were the one on the other side of the bed. I can't say we were ever really close but we did talk close to 20 years ago now. Things were developing that were derailed. My life took another direction as did hers. The grief also comes from family. Seeing my siblings spending time with our father and their mothers with their children in tow. Years of memories made. Years I'll never have and never had the opportunity for. Not having my mother to talk to as an adult now is the biggest source of grief in my life. I'm sorry if this is a bit disjointed. It's really just spilling out at this point. I feel the tears forming. I'll end it here. This passage touched me in a way I wasn't expecting. Thank you.
Fear! It can be useful, when it takes you to levels where you would never have arrived without it!!! It can also be useless, if it blocks your hands at your feet and you can't even breathe, where it would be better to act!!! .... Who knows what it depends on ...
About “ The Force of Nature “. It is true that some people, whom we meet, cannot be called ordinary or casual people in life! It seems that they came especially for us and especially for this precise, exact moment. They impress us, they fascinate us. These meetings are very rare, exclusive in life and leave an indelible mark!
Yoga says, that our life is a predefined program and is already written. Sometimes I have the impression, that it is also wrapped backwards. And we run it backwards. (going back) Who can ever prove it? No one ever….