81 Comments

I am for my sins (and yours!) cleaning my long neglected mailbox and am vibrating with agreement on all your points. And WHAT with the Proust!! I wondered why the title had changed, and why no one had consulted us, and here we are. I am sure those books are fine and wondrous. I got as far as page 125 before giving it up forevermore. On other fronts, perhaps you can pop onto the tedious Blue Sky and shriek with us?

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I'm glad I'm not the only one scandalized by the change ;-) I did manage to get through the first two volumes, but that was enough for me...

I'm weighing up whether to get more involved in BlueSky... problem is I tend to be rather all or nothing on these things, and right now work productivity is possibly more important...

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If I got to work in SCOTLAND, I would be more interested in that as well!

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There's a wonderful children's book by Gerald Durrell that used to be called The Talking Parcel. I loved it as a kid. I wanted to buy it for my own children, but couldn't find it anywhere, until I discovered it had been renamed The Battle for Cockatrice Castle. It's an inferior title and I can't think of a good reason to rename a classic, ever

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That's infuriating. The first title is so intriguing!

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I didn’t know that was a quotation about Carlyle. My sister in law said it about my wife and me.

I was getting used to the mechanic check in and it ran out of paper so I had to queue for a human. Not a problem when you have three hours to kill 🥸

The very same sister in law corrected my pronunciation of quinoa.

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Your sister in law sounds like fun ;-)

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She is gorgeous.

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Your Carlye quote reminds me of a great line from Spike Millgan's novel Puckoon:

"Mr and Mrs Croucher had the perfect marriage: he couldn't and she didn't want to."

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That's excellent :)

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Following on from your password example: any site that won't tell me what the instructions are for a password. If it needs a number, a special character, a kidney, whatever, I'm down, but tell me ahead of time, don't make me guess.

Related: any site that tells you that "the email address/username or password is in error" without telling you which one it is.

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ARGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

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I’ve flown twice since the introduction of the self check in. I’m a regular short haul flyer and have long since learned to fly cabin bag only and check in before arriving at the airport. So going on holiday with bigger bags now takes longer to check in and deposit said bags using the fucking useless machine that it did with a real professional bag checker doing it. Plus God probably doesn’t even know how you should correctly attach a baggage tag to your bag to ensure it has more than a snowballs chance in hell of getting to the same destination you’re going to. I’d like to meet the person who decided these machines were needed and send them through the baggage system with an incorrect bar code and see where they end up. And phone menus, but that’s a whole different rant.

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I feel you, brother.

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Everything. Honestly just everything. Barely anything doesn't annoy the tits off me these days

Supermarkets with no checkout people. Doctors who are more elusive than the scarlet pimpernel. Pay at pump petrol stations. Endlessly searching through a million services to find something you'd like to watch. Every company that hikes renewal prices to wild heights in the hope you won't notice so you have to do work and argue just to get an almost fair deal. The lack of bats round my way. Everything

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That is a good list. We have bats. I wish I could send you some.

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Speaking of raw tits, I am annoyed by the overuse of negatives to express a simple positive. For example, instead of saying "good food" they say "food didn't disappoint". As if their opinion is so crucial and relied upon that they cannot possibly give a clear compliment for fear of massive social media reprisals for being seen as a fan of the food. FFS

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Ha — yes :-) Their opinion being of such import that this damning-with-faint-praise is enough.

Though as an English person I'm of course used to a tendency where if someone says "the food's not bad" they in fact mean "The food's pretty good, actually..."

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Also add the descriptors "on point" and "chef's kiss" to my list of tit reddening agents.

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Also add anything marketed as "hand tossed, cut, bagged, stirred, wiped" etc - WHAT LAZY ASSED MARKETERS WITH HALF ASSED PRODUCTS THAT HAVE NO ACTUAL COMPETITIVE ADVANTAGE!

(thank you Michael, this exercise has been very calming)

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An absolute pleasure. And I'dd most things claiming to be "artisanal" to the list...

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I’m a Starbucks order ahead person primarily because I prefer to avoid commerce interactions where I have to talk with humans. Cut to me on hold, waiting to talk to someone at my insurance company, being told every 2 minutes by the stupid recording that I can do all the things faster and easier in their app while the reason I’m calling is because I tried that multiple times and kept getting an error message telling me to call them. Then they transfer me to the wrong person and hang up on me. Cue incandescent rage.

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Yeah, been there. Still judging you on the order-ahead though.

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Instagram ads which start with images of people seemingly incapable of using everyday things like make-up, cleaning cloths or perhaps a suitcase. This part of the video is usually shot with greyer tones. The unfortunates scowl as they hopelessly wrestle with the perfectly quotidian object, finally dropping it in disgust and looking imploringly at the camera. Salvation comes in the final frames - the colors brighten and a smug person with good hair joyously uses the new, replacement version of the object, which is on sale for around twice the cost of a normal one.

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LOL... "The unfortunates scowl as they hopelessly wrestle with the perfectly quotidian object" — beautiful ;-)

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Also, and you’ve got me started now, the fact that nine times out of ten the ad also tells you that this ‘viral’ item which has sold out countless times is finally back in stock.

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I'm just going to drop this here (and then run away)

https://www.rhs.org.uk/plants/articles/misc/rosemary-becomes-a-sage

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You're a brave man, Darren.

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Gah! I get the botany, but the idea that not changing the name would confuse the botanists so badly that it would halt research is a bit bleeding much.

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You lost me at Proust. They can name that thing whatever they want I am never touching it ever again! The fact that I had to read it at uni still bugs me! Otherwise I can just nod. The password thing is especially annoying - especially on the internet - and now you need a password for the password and it’s all very annoying.

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OH yes. And I have to admit I only got through a volume and a half of the Proust epic...

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For the past 40 yrs, since I moved from Germany to Australia, I have to tell EVERY FUCKING person I meet how to spell and pronounce my name… if I’m lucky! If not, I’ll also have to explain that it’s German, not Dutch, where exactly I’m from, why I’m here, and then listen to them talking to whoever they know went there and when and why AND talk about the war which was over for 20yrs when I was born. 🙄

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Good lord. That must be... very trying.

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This made me laugh out loud, which I’ve not been doing enough of lately, so thank you. Do lots more ranting. It’s hilarious.

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Good. But be careful what you wish for ;-)

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Flat pack fucking furniture, with the one vital component you need to keep the whole bloody thing together missing! Grinds my melons like nothing else! 🙄😂

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OR THEY HAVE ALL THE RIGHT COMPONENTS BUT ONE BOLT LITERALLY WON'T GO IN

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YES! Maddening!

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Totally in the mood for this tonight. I applauded after I read it.

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Excellent :)

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