Another addition to the 'ffs, another one?' list for me.
I was never a Brand fan, didn't like him much, never met him - but his picture is on my 'family photo collage wall' because he's a friend of a dear friend of mine; they're hugging in front of a big hotel in Vegas, all show-bizzy & quite charming in & of itself.
The reason for the 'another' is…
Another close friend used to be friends with Rolf Harris - taught him to play the didgeridoo, decades ago.
My auntie was Jimmy Saville's secretary back in the 60's, and I worked for 10 years with his niece [80s], through whom I also met his sister [though never Saville himself].
None of these people were even vaguely aware of what would come out in the wash, many years later.
This all affects not only the direct victims, but also all their unwitting family, friends and associates, who suddenly have to mind-check if there was anything they should have spotted that would have brought this to the fore sooner.
That's very true, and I'd never thought of that. It's like when someone commits suicide, and you cannot help but wonder if it was your fault for not spotting the signs. These men spread sadness in every direction at once.
You nailed so many things in this article; it was a bit cathartic. Bravo.
From the nightmare of the Attention Economy to the conspiracy machine that self-validates, and the vileness of Musk, Tucker and Tate (“support” from another rapist? Really? In a sane reality, support from Musk, Tucker, and Tate would be corroborating evidence of guilt).
You’ve captured the essence of many things that have shocked and angered me for the last several years.
And this was perfect:
“… even at his youthful best Brand always looked like he needed disinfecting.”
So, my day job is literally to campaign for gender equality in science, technology engineering, and maths. I am absolutely steeped in feminism. And one of the things that has become so very, very clear to me over the years is that if we are ever to make any progress towards gender equality, we need to see similar campaigns for boys and men that help them shuck off the trappings of patriarchy and learn how to become a happy, healthy human beings.
In the UK (and I suspect the US too), one of the demographics least likely to go to university is white, working class boys, so when we talk as a society about widening participation in education, we really ought to be thinking about how we can reach these kids and convince them that another future is possible. We need to widen boy's ideas of what careers are open to them. We desperately need more male primary school teachers, for example, because we need small boys to see healthy male role models from a young age. We need more male carers, nurses, etc. We desperately need more men going into veterinary science and becoming GPs (both are female dominated with 80% of vet undergrads being women for eg, which causes significant problems in the industry). We need boys to realise that they can do anything that they want to and get past this idea that some jobs are for men and some for women.
We need to deal with men's mental health, and especially men's loneliness – the Men's Sheds movement seems to be doing well on that front, for example. And we need to be thinking about how we forge a better, healthier ideal for what it is to be a man, one that doesn't rely on toxic, historic tropes about big muscles and never crying, but which allows me to be who they are, whether that's a lumberjack or Harry Styles.
But most of all, we need to recognise that men and women are on this planet together, and we need to learn how to support one another to be who we are and achieve all that we want to achieve. And more than ever, we need more men to stand up and start these campaigns, and to work towards dismantling the patriarchy and empowering boys and men to widen their understanding of what a man can be.
This is such an important comment, thank you — you've put it so much better and more succinctly than I did. Positive and affirming messages for girls in education are essential to combat years of it being the other way, but we've seen examples with our own son of how this can be misunderstood to mean such careers — specifically STEM — are ONLY for girls. Everybody seems to spend their times fighting in opposite directions...
So much work to do on all of this, and that makes it even more depressing that the loudest voices are those of men who are just making things worse.
I could give you chapter and verse on what needs to happen to really combat the terrible systems and stereotypes that hold so many people back. First and foremost, though, is an almost complete lack of funding for this kind of campaigning work, especially for women. Rosa, a charity in the women & girls space, recently released a report showing that just 1.2% of all grant funding in the UK went to projects focused on women and girls. And most of those grants were £10k or under, making it impossible for organisations to plan ahead.
I don't know the landscape for men's advocacy very well, but I'm betting the issue there is lack of leaders and engagement, as well as a lack of money.
So there's no resources, which means no ability collaborate either with other organisations in the same space, or organisations in any other space. Which means that there's no chance to create a multiplier effect where organisations can bolster each other's efforts. And that is a crying shame.
I've been thinking about, and maybe I'm totally off-base -- so feel free to tear me a new one, if that's so. But -- and here I should add the obligatory "NOT ALL," because I'm dealing in generalities.
Men tend to define themselves as "men" first and "human" second.
Most attempts to define/redefine masculinity are rooted in "different from/not" female.
The dirty little secret at the heart of "different from/not" is "better than."
If men can't give that up, I don't see much progress being made
That's a very interesting idea. Speaking as a man, I tend to think of myself as human first and male second... at least *consciously*. I suspect culture in general tends to pressure both sexes to thinking of themselves that way first. Hmm. I'll need to think about this: very interesting point, especially about the secret at the heard of "different from", and it always being loaded with a status comparison.
"even at his youthful best Brand always looked like he needed disinfecting" wins the Internet today for putting in so many words what I've always felt but been unable to express about the tosspot. The rest of this piece is merely excellent. So many nails hit squarely on the head. I'm glad you spoke up.
There is a further level to all this: all the WOMEN who are supporters of these awful guys. I've been trying to get my head around that because one of my best friends has fallen down that hole (not Tate, I don't think, but definitely Brand and Rogan - whose videos she's tried to push on me before - and she's Musk-curious). I've noticed a distinct change in her ideology regarding gender and gender roles and a far more dogged reliance on her Christian faith (she was practically a Buddhist when I met her) has come along with her thinking being overtaken by conspiracy theory. It's all related, all about having simple, narratively well-packaged, emotionally-arousing answers to anxiety-provoking existential questions that ultimately serve to make the believer feel good about themselves and their place in the world.
That's extremely true, and there's definitely a strong — and growing — female audience for both conspiracy in general and these assholes in particular. It's one of the ways in which we're all much more the same than we sometimes allow ourselves to realize...
It's a few years old but there is an excellent podcast called The Infinite Monkey Cage on radio 4. I binge listen to it a lot and have just heard an episode on conspiracy theories and who follows them. It seems apropos!
Perhaps the biggest problem is making sure we don't sound off in an echo chamber and take comfort in the fact we are all on the right path. I'm guilty of many things and I know how easy it is to fall into step with the surrounding concensus, which is why I challenge intolerance every chance I get. It is common on building sites I work on in Cornwall to get big laughs from homophobic, racist and sexist comments but it is imperative to ask "Why did you say that". If I don't challenge it I feel like I would be sucked into the vortex of hate.
Not at all, and challenging those things is both important and brave, because you're suddenly making people look at their own assumptions and behaviors... not always an easy thing to undertake!
I would further add that however brave a man might be for calling out another man for his misogyny, the risks are infinitely more dangerous for women. We need men to call out other men or nothing changes, and calling them out benefits us all.
Everything is set up to excuse and support abusive men, and to disbelieve and punish any women who dares speak up, and until men are willing to give up the benefits they reap from that system, nothing changes.
Mark Greene talks about how patriarchy hurts everyone and how we need men to speak out in order to stop this destructive cycle, so thank you Mike for being one who will and does.
Thank you April — it means a lot that you found the piece worthwhile. I'm not aware of Greene's work, I'll seek it out. It's depressingly the case that people usually need their own self-interest engaged in order to seek change, so making more men aware that the patriarchy is destroying *their* lives too, and not "just" women's, may be one of the paths forward...
Thank you!
Another addition to the 'ffs, another one?' list for me.
I was never a Brand fan, didn't like him much, never met him - but his picture is on my 'family photo collage wall' because he's a friend of a dear friend of mine; they're hugging in front of a big hotel in Vegas, all show-bizzy & quite charming in & of itself.
The reason for the 'another' is…
Another close friend used to be friends with Rolf Harris - taught him to play the didgeridoo, decades ago.
My auntie was Jimmy Saville's secretary back in the 60's, and I worked for 10 years with his niece [80s], through whom I also met his sister [though never Saville himself].
None of these people were even vaguely aware of what would come out in the wash, many years later.
This all affects not only the direct victims, but also all their unwitting family, friends and associates, who suddenly have to mind-check if there was anything they should have spotted that would have brought this to the fore sooner.
That's very true, and I'd never thought of that. It's like when someone commits suicide, and you cannot help but wonder if it was your fault for not spotting the signs. These men spread sadness in every direction at once.
Bloody hell!
This was very good
Thank you :)
Excellent, Mike!
Thank you Jane :) x
It’s also a great smoke screen for the political shit that’s going on in the uk at the moment.
Indeed, and isn't that convenient.
You nailed so many things in this article; it was a bit cathartic. Bravo.
From the nightmare of the Attention Economy to the conspiracy machine that self-validates, and the vileness of Musk, Tucker and Tate (“support” from another rapist? Really? In a sane reality, support from Musk, Tucker, and Tate would be corroborating evidence of guilt).
You’ve captured the essence of many things that have shocked and angered me for the last several years.
And this was perfect:
“… even at his youthful best Brand always looked like he needed disinfecting.”
😂
:) Thank you — really glad it landed for you. I guess the question is how we fight it all...
Fleas. He looks like he has fleas..
He DOES. You've nailed it!
I have dogs. I can spit a flea at 1,000 yards:)
Spot. I meant spot. Oh dear.
Brilliant writing as always.
Thank you!
So, my day job is literally to campaign for gender equality in science, technology engineering, and maths. I am absolutely steeped in feminism. And one of the things that has become so very, very clear to me over the years is that if we are ever to make any progress towards gender equality, we need to see similar campaigns for boys and men that help them shuck off the trappings of patriarchy and learn how to become a happy, healthy human beings.
In the UK (and I suspect the US too), one of the demographics least likely to go to university is white, working class boys, so when we talk as a society about widening participation in education, we really ought to be thinking about how we can reach these kids and convince them that another future is possible. We need to widen boy's ideas of what careers are open to them. We desperately need more male primary school teachers, for example, because we need small boys to see healthy male role models from a young age. We need more male carers, nurses, etc. We desperately need more men going into veterinary science and becoming GPs (both are female dominated with 80% of vet undergrads being women for eg, which causes significant problems in the industry). We need boys to realise that they can do anything that they want to and get past this idea that some jobs are for men and some for women.
We need to deal with men's mental health, and especially men's loneliness – the Men's Sheds movement seems to be doing well on that front, for example. And we need to be thinking about how we forge a better, healthier ideal for what it is to be a man, one that doesn't rely on toxic, historic tropes about big muscles and never crying, but which allows me to be who they are, whether that's a lumberjack or Harry Styles.
But most of all, we need to recognise that men and women are on this planet together, and we need to learn how to support one another to be who we are and achieve all that we want to achieve. And more than ever, we need more men to stand up and start these campaigns, and to work towards dismantling the patriarchy and empowering boys and men to widen their understanding of what a man can be.
So very well said, Suw. I hope you have a substack or somewhere else you've said this so eloquently that I can share.
❤️
Thanks! I do have a substack, but this wouldn't fit very well with a discussion of writer's block. LOL.
Yes, that might be a bit of a jump cut ;-)
This is such an important comment, thank you — you've put it so much better and more succinctly than I did. Positive and affirming messages for girls in education are essential to combat years of it being the other way, but we've seen examples with our own son of how this can be misunderstood to mean such careers — specifically STEM — are ONLY for girls. Everybody seems to spend their times fighting in opposite directions...
So much work to do on all of this, and that makes it even more depressing that the loudest voices are those of men who are just making things worse.
Thank you!
I could give you chapter and verse on what needs to happen to really combat the terrible systems and stereotypes that hold so many people back. First and foremost, though, is an almost complete lack of funding for this kind of campaigning work, especially for women. Rosa, a charity in the women & girls space, recently released a report showing that just 1.2% of all grant funding in the UK went to projects focused on women and girls. And most of those grants were £10k or under, making it impossible for organisations to plan ahead.
I don't know the landscape for men's advocacy very well, but I'm betting the issue there is lack of leaders and engagement, as well as a lack of money.
So there's no resources, which means no ability collaborate either with other organisations in the same space, or organisations in any other space. Which means that there's no chance to create a multiplier effect where organisations can bolster each other's efforts. And that is a crying shame.
Amen!
Thank you!
Brilliant, Michael. Thank you.
Thank you, Mollie! x
Ab
Sa
Fucking
Lutely.
Dare I say your most insightful post yet
Thank you!
I've been thinking about, and maybe I'm totally off-base -- so feel free to tear me a new one, if that's so. But -- and here I should add the obligatory "NOT ALL," because I'm dealing in generalities.
Men tend to define themselves as "men" first and "human" second.
Most attempts to define/redefine masculinity are rooted in "different from/not" female.
The dirty little secret at the heart of "different from/not" is "better than."
If men can't give that up, I don't see much progress being made
That's a very interesting idea. Speaking as a man, I tend to think of myself as human first and male second... at least *consciously*. I suspect culture in general tends to pressure both sexes to thinking of themselves that way first. Hmm. I'll need to think about this: very interesting point, especially about the secret at the heard of "different from", and it always being loaded with a status comparison.
"even at his youthful best Brand always looked like he needed disinfecting" wins the Internet today for putting in so many words what I've always felt but been unable to express about the tosspot. The rest of this piece is merely excellent. So many nails hit squarely on the head. I'm glad you spoke up.
There is a further level to all this: all the WOMEN who are supporters of these awful guys. I've been trying to get my head around that because one of my best friends has fallen down that hole (not Tate, I don't think, but definitely Brand and Rogan - whose videos she's tried to push on me before - and she's Musk-curious). I've noticed a distinct change in her ideology regarding gender and gender roles and a far more dogged reliance on her Christian faith (she was practically a Buddhist when I met her) has come along with her thinking being overtaken by conspiracy theory. It's all related, all about having simple, narratively well-packaged, emotionally-arousing answers to anxiety-provoking existential questions that ultimately serve to make the believer feel good about themselves and their place in the world.
That's extremely true, and there's definitely a strong — and growing — female audience for both conspiracy in general and these assholes in particular. It's one of the ways in which we're all much more the same than we sometimes allow ourselves to realize...
It's a few years old but there is an excellent podcast called The Infinite Monkey Cage on radio 4. I binge listen to it a lot and have just heard an episode on conspiracy theories and who follows them. It seems apropos!
Perhaps the biggest problem is making sure we don't sound off in an echo chamber and take comfort in the fact we are all on the right path. I'm guilty of many things and I know how easy it is to fall into step with the surrounding concensus, which is why I challenge intolerance every chance I get. It is common on building sites I work on in Cornwall to get big laughs from homophobic, racist and sexist comments but it is imperative to ask "Why did you say that". If I don't challenge it I feel like I would be sucked into the vortex of hate.
Bit long winded, sorry.
Not at all, and challenging those things is both important and brave, because you're suddenly making people look at their own assumptions and behaviors... not always an easy thing to undertake!
I would further add that however brave a man might be for calling out another man for his misogyny, the risks are infinitely more dangerous for women. We need men to call out other men or nothing changes, and calling them out benefits us all.
Also. We. Get. Tired.
Everything is set up to excuse and support abusive men, and to disbelieve and punish any women who dares speak up, and until men are willing to give up the benefits they reap from that system, nothing changes.
Mark Greene talks about how patriarchy hurts everyone and how we need men to speak out in order to stop this destructive cycle, so thank you Mike for being one who will and does.
Thank you April — it means a lot that you found the piece worthwhile. I'm not aware of Greene's work, I'll seek it out. It's depressingly the case that people usually need their own self-interest engaged in order to seek change, so making more men aware that the patriarchy is destroying *their* lives too, and not "just" women's, may be one of the paths forward...
Any intelligent person knows who the real villains are in this story. You just called them out.